Guam

I’m writing this after having left Guam. I’m slightly saddened and I miss my friends.

But, I must move on. I must remember my time spent there, at the LeoPalace, with fond memories and earnest tribute.

So, I will write this posthumous. I’m not dead, but a part of me stayed behind on those tropic island grounds. Nonetheless, I will transition from this heavy, sullen intro, into a nice, lurid work of verbal imagery depicting my time and thoughts from Guam…

Jerking off was tough. The wi-fi was shit.

That was what I noticed first. It was dark and late when we arrived, so I didn’t absorb any of the hotel or island’s aesthetic personality. I made for my room, quick, as I had an image of a stewardess from our flight in my mind I didn’t want to lose. After a long day of travel, though, I went to sleep almost immediately after getting to my room. Almost immediately.

The next morning was when I took note of things.

First, the view from my room. Wow. It was the type of image that you try to get on snapchat as quick as possible so attractive girls with low self-esteem reciprocate picture exchange. It was that good. From the view you could see the pool and lake. Allowing your eyes to drift and wander, you take note of the rolling hills, finally setting gaze upon the vast expanses of the Pacific Ocean. It was a skyline of mirth, pleasant and alive where sky met the water. From the Leo Palace, erect in the hills of Yona, we could see all of this. It was amazing, and I DM’ed both that picture and description to every lady “lifestyle” blogger in my rolodex (contacts).

This was what I could see from my hotel balcony. I explored further, in days to come, and became even more infatuated with the island’s beauty. What was more important, though, were the type of people I met. This island, and this hotel–more relative to this post–are beacons of leisurely destination for the peoples of Southeast Asia. Below is a brief, yet concise, breakdown of the different people I met, from different countries. It is brief because I don’t want this post to run on too long and it is concise because I’m talented. The bullet list could be much longer, because these people, diverse in the roots, were wonderful. So:

• Gaum (locals): The hotel staff and workers of the Leo Palace fitness club are the ones I miss the most. They speak English, as Guam is a US territory, so I was most easily able to converse with them. Their inclination to help and aid, though, is what I enjoyed above all else… Not entirely true. Jasmine, the receptionist at the hotel gym, had a look about her that conveyed a friendly desire to sit on your face. That was my favorite part. But, the aforementioned friendliness, was second, and it was heattt (slang, I’ll use a lot going forward. When something is heattt it means I loved it, it was great, and it deserved recognition: i.e. Emily Ratikowski is heattt).
  • Restaurant staff, either at our hotel or the two outside joints we went to: They were pro (slang, I’ll use a lot going forward. Basically the same as heattt, just less sexually insinuative: i.e. Thomas Brady in the fourth quarter is pro). Helpful, friendly, and generally just pleasant people.
  • Hotel grounds staff: I rode my bike almost every day along the hotel’s 5k bike trail. As I’m in terrible physical shape, I looked like death as I rode. The seat also had its way with my nuts. But, as I rode, staff members I passed, either in their working vehicles or on foot, all waved and smiled. Every ride, as I climbed the final mountainside hill, I thought of their acknowledgement and of Jasmine naked. People helping people.
• Koreans: My best buddy is playing for a Korean baseball team, The Samsung Lions. That is why I’m here. I will discuss dealings with the team and players more later, but to suffice this bullet, they are great. Obviously language is a barrier, and none of the players or coaches speak much English, but that’s really a moot (not slang. If you thought it was mute, you’re dumb) point. Reverence and respect is an amazing and outstandingly admirable part of their culture. As players enter a room or see each other, they great everyone. This is done fervently, even in morning hours, as I’m wiping crust from eyes and Jasmine from my face. They even acknowledge me and treat me with respect, even though I’m a free loader.
  • I met several Korean families during the day at the pool. Once, as I was sitting in the sun, reading, I noticed a family having a hard time inflating a flamingo floaty for the pool. Trying to be more mindful of what I can do for others, I walked to their aid and blew up their floaty. For the next hour individual members of the family met me with smile and bow and thanks. We couldn’t verbally communicate, but when they looked at me and bowed and I looked at them and shot-gunned a beer, it was an understood gesture.
• Japanese: Japanese women do it for me. Ooof, they’re special; a soft, alabaster type beauty that makes wi-fi unnecessary. I didn’t meet any Japanese women like this in Guam, though, so I’ll save for a later post. I did meet an adorable older Japanese lady who, with no English words spoken, showed me how to operate the hotel laundry/washing machines. We enjoyed each other’s company, in relative silence, and washed and folded laundry on a fabric softener of smiles… I knew she was Japanese because when she said “bey-suh-bawl” (baseball) and I nodded, she kept saying “Ee-chey-ro” (Ichiro). Great lady.

We did go out one night, away from the resort, which I feel is worth noting. We went to Tumon Beach, and stayed at the Hilton. I’m not going to get into the habit of making recommendations (see TripAdvisor), but if you ever find yourself out that way, check availability at the Tumon Beach Westin first. The Hilton was nice, but it was a little older and the average guest could remember before Guam was US territory (WW2 joke/reference). Nothing wrong with that, and again, it was a nice place with above average amenities. But, if you’re trying to go the beach and aggressively drink, think Westin. Hilton is to snorkeling as Westin is to muff-dive. ***The Beach Bar is also adjacent the Westin. Awesome bar, obviously beach side, with a unique Jimmy Buffet to Drake type persona.

In short, because I’m rambling, it is hard to encapsulate all the thought and observation Guam sparked. If I had to, though, in modern day DM format, Guam is: a tropical pleasure in which the landscape climbs and falls and the island smiles the whole way… I would at least get nip in response to that DM.