10 Selfish Reasons I Wish for Peaceful Resolution in Korea

10 Selfish Reasons Why I Wish for Peaceful Resolution in Korea


I started to write a disclaimer. I stopped and decided to make the disclaimer the concluding number on the list, out of respect. People offer their lives and their service protecting their countries. That’s the highest form of sacrifice and something I would never make light of. I’ll make other jokes, because that’s all I’m really good at, but not about that.

As a freeloader in South Korea, I have particular interest in this current turmoil. After having spent close to two months here, I have some concerns; selfishly. If tussle comes to pass, things will change for me. I don’t like that. I’ve developed routine and made friends. I have people coming to visit and I’ve made progress with a few Samsung cheerleaders. My mom has been hinting at moving to Louisiana when I return–war would expedite that. That’s scary. This situation is real for me. I want it go away. Peacefully. Quickly.

  1. No VISA.
    1. I’m just gonna come out the gate hot with it. I’m here in Korea and I’m riding dirty. I have 90 days, upon arrival into the country, to procure a VISA. I have/had no intentions of doing that. I looked at their laws and the penalties didn’t scare me. I don’t J-walk and I respect my Korean neighbors–they would never know… War, though, might change that. Shit could get a little more stringent. I could be in a tough spot if things escalate and when asked for my papers I provide a Barnes and Noble Rewards Card. Selfishly, this is the first reason why I need Donald to calm down.
  2. Walter and Jesse.
    1. We now own two Korean turtles: Brothers Walter and Jesse. They are comfortable in their condo home here and they have developed routine just as I have. Uprooting children is hard, as is common knowledge, and is not something I would wish to subject them to.
  3. Summer baseball.
    1. I’m very much looking forward to summer baseball in South Korea. The weather is starting to warm and stadium drink specials are becoming increasingly present. I like that. Not much in this world makes me happier that drinking a beer–or nine–and watching baseball. I also like to yell at the players when I am drunk. I do this from a safe distance, behind the dugout, and I work to attack their personal character. This summer will be a challenge, because players are Korean. It was a challenge I was looking forward to. I hope war doesn’t rob me of the opportunity.
  4. Summer Clothing.
    1. Clothing for Korean women, not me. Aside from dugout cheerleaders, women here don’t reveal much; not in terms of illicit apparel anyways. Being from America and of the same age as Miley Cyrus makes that something I’m not used to. I respect their culture and their women, which I hope is apparent, but I would be lying if I said that I didn’t hope summer weather might induce some layer reduction. With the possibility of invasion or nuclear threat looming, though, women might layer up instead. I hope not.
  5. Samsung Cheerleaders.
    1. I just mentioned them. In between innings–sometimes during–these young women dance atop the 3rd base side dugout. They dance hard. That surprised me. Sultry and aggressive is the best way I can describe it. I’m not sure if they were instructed to increase sensuality, since the Lions are 2 and 9, but they bring it. Adolescent Korean boys flock to them, packing the front rows adjacent the dugout. I go with them, always able to get closest because they are small, maneuverable Korean children. I’ve made eyes to a few dancers, conveying with gaze what a difficult language won’t allow me to. They’ve reciprocated. I hope North Korea doesn’t c*ck block me.
  6. Riding Trains.
    1. In terms of size, for a country, South Korea is small. Bullet trains connect their cities. I love riding on trains. I plan on riding them all summer. I plan on drinking beer*** and riding them all summer.
  7. Text messages.
    1. Selfish, but honest. I sent some drunk text messages to girls with significant others before I left Louisiana. I’m hoping tension will dissipate. It should, if I can stay here another 4 to 5 months.
  8. Beauty.
    1. I’ve been to Guam, Japan, and South Korea. All places, because of location and alliance, are involved in this conflict. All places are full of wonderful people and amazing natural beauty. I’m not going deep on you or getting into philosophies of war or anything like that; I’m not. It’s just, I think about these places and I think about their beauties and I pray for resolution.
  9. Beauty.
    1. I’ve been to Guam, Japan, and South Korea. I like the women there/here. I think they like(d) me. Haven’t had much success, but you’re up to speed on the Lion cheerleaders. You know it’s a waiting game. I also keep in touch (pending snapchat) with a few women from Guam and Japan. I would very much like to see Yuki again.
  10. Loss and suffering.
    1. This is the one where I don’t make jokes. Any time loss of life can be avoided, I pray for that. We all do. “The real and lasting victories are those of peace, and not of war.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

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